Keep yourself nice

Where I come from (i.e. my mother's uterus) there is a saying.

"Keep yourself nice."

Since I only have a sister I'm not sure whether it applies to the male of the species, but I'd like to hope so because boys can be truly revolting.

Keeping yourself nice means, basically, that you:

• can hold your liquor - this means not being the girl who has to have her hair held back while she vomits into the bushes at the end of the night;
• practice safe sex, including protecting yourself from STI's;
• don't say cunt - I fail at this one frequently;
• don't chew gum;
• don't dress like a slapper - which is not to say that you can't sex it up, but there are clear distinctions between flaunting your assets and just looking like a pole dancer - which reminds me;
  
• don't dance on tables, with poles or in your underwear unless you're at a midnight screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show; and
• know when you're old enough to know better.

There are about a gazillion other things I could list but you get the idea. It's about self respect, self control, autonomy and holding other girls hair back while they vomit.

With that in mind, I present to you exhibit A:

This is my cousin's birthday cake. I believe the adjective my mother applied to it was "uncouth."

I'm not entirely sure what would possess a 30 year old woman to invite her friends and extended family to feast upon an effigy of her ample bosom rendered in cake. Perhaps too much self confidence? Whatever the inspiration, it certainly ruffled a few old chooks' feathers and made some of us feel proud of our credentials as "nice" girls who are "old enough to know better."

Well, maybe that was just me. Am I a snob? Possibly. But this kind of public display does seem distinctly skank-tacular, am I right?

Also, the picture is apparently so offensive that the good people at photobucket deleted it for breaching their terms of use, or something. God bless my trashy relatives...