Wendy* and I went out to a local student haunt, the name of which rhymes paradoxically with 'clever mind', on Tuesday night.
Things often go pear-shaped at the clever mind and Tuesday was no exception. In fact it was the most stellar example to-date of why I hate students.**
Wendy and I were minding our own business, discussing girly things likle unicorns and rainbows, when this guy from the next table came over to ask, "Can I borrow your ash tray?"
"Sure" says Wendy, and passes it over.
My eyes follow him back to his table where I notice that the assembled group of young men now have not one, but three ash trays.
My curiosity is aroused. It will be the only thing.
I ask them what they need our ash tray for when they already have two of their own.
"We just want the cigarette butts," I'm told.
"What - why?"
They won't say but I can tell they want to. After some prompting they gleefully relate their proud and noble plan. The butts are for a special party trick.
Who amongst us has not wondered:
How many cigarette butts can be made to fit under the foreskin of the average Australian male?If you had asked me on Monday night, I'd have said NOBODY HAS EVER WONDERED THAT BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING STUPID THING TO DO.
Apparently I was Wrong.
The answer, proven not once but thrice over the course of Tuesday evening is more than 27. What was not immediately clear, and probably never will be, was why.
Why would anybody want to do that to themselves, why would their friends encourage them, and why would it be considered appropriate to make unsuspecting females look at it?
The whole thing was the most puerile, disrespectful display I've had the misfortune to witness since I had the unhappy acquaintance of a group of catholic school boys in 1993.
* Drunk alter-ego, not her real name.
** I don't hate all students, just large assemblies of drunk ones under the age of 25.
